Cecily is sitting here impatiently by me as I type this, waiting for the laptop to be out of my lap so that she can sit on me. In fact, she keeps trying to climb into my lap, despite the presence of the laptop! Ever since you left us, Cecily has been so clingy. All she wants to do is sit on my lap, whether I am sitting or standing. She meows non-stop. Sometimes I can't tell if she's just talking or if she's crying. Part of me feels like she knew there was something wrong with you before I did. It seemed that she had detached herself from you, knowing that you were not going to be around for much longer...
Gus-Gus, we both miss you so much. I wish that I had taken you to the vet sooner. I wish that I had noticed something was amiss before it was too late. I wish I had spent more time with you, just petting you and holding you. I wish I had appreciated you more when you were here. I wish my premonitions would have been wrong. I wish the doctors could have fixed you. I wish you would have lived for more than 4 years. It seems so unfair that you were taken from me so soon. I love your sister, but she is so neurotic and needy and difficult. You balanced that out because you were so calm and mellow and good. What am I going to do without you?
I wish you were here to harass me to get under the covers at night. The last time you tried, I wouldn't let you. I'm so sorry I didn't. I wish you were here to meow like a little pterodactyl when I didn't open the door right away upon returning home. I wish you were here to chase the laser pointer around and throw your mice up in the air as you wrestled around on the floor with them. I wish you were here to jump up on the fridge, bookshelf, and bathroom cabinets. I wish you were here to eat the flowers and wrestle with Cecily, crouching tiger/hidden dragon style. I wish you were here to jump up on my back while I was brushing my teeth and to wrap your paws around my fingers. I wish you were here so I could brush the knots out of your hair and clean the boogies out of your eyes and nose. I wish I could pet the little bridge of your nose and make you lick your lips. I wish I could see your little snaggle tooth once again.
What am I supposed to do, Gus? Can Cecily be an only cat? Should I get her a new "sibling"? Will she learn to accept a new sibling? Is she going to be this clingy forever? Would I be able to accept a new pet? Would it help me to get over losing you? What if Cecily gets sick or if I got a new cat and she or he got sick? How long before I feel normal again? How long before I will be able to sleep normally and focus on work? How long before I won't vacillate between numbness and tears?
I miss your fluffiness and love. I miss you jumping into my arms when I taunted you, not picking you up when you clearly wanted to snuggle. I miss your little body with all that crazy fur. I miss your big light blue eyes and the way you loved everyone.
I love you Gus-Gus, and I know I did the right thing so that you wouldn't suffer anymore. I hope you are romping around, frolicking with toy mice and reveling in the scent of catnip. I wish you were still here with me so that I could enjoy playing and cuddling with you once more. You had a totally different feel than Cecily, being half her size and having twice the hair, so cuddling her doesn't really compare. It's just not the same.
I love you my little Gus-Gus.
Love,
Mommy
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